I've got my own story to tell.
These kids. Man. They save me. Every single day. Mostly from myself and the parts of me that are still so broken. I'm not the most patient person on the planet, and sometimes, especially when feeling really rushed for time on work-a-day mornings, I find my shallow reserves stretched taut.
Yesterday was just such a day. And when B plucked my pulled-too-tight last nerve, I snapped. And promptly told him he was behaving like a spoiled little brat. These are words I never use. These words stung behind my eyes, teary pinpricks of shame and regret, for the duration of my work day. It's my job to shower my kids in love and light. Not call them names.
So, yes, mornings can be rough. But mornings have also become a special time with my kiddos. As part of our new Life Schedule, I have them every morning before school. Though it be tightly scheduled time, I try to make the most of it. This often includes wild dancing in the bathroom while I finish getting ready and they get dressed. One of our favorites to sing and dance with is Michael Franti's "I'm Alive".
"Everybody wants me to be who they want me to be except you. I only wanna be with you..."
When I got home last night, I called the house to talk to B. I needed to tell him I was sorry. I needed him to know that he is nothing short of spectacular and that sometimes even Mamas say bad words that should never be spoken.
"Buddy, do you remember when I got so angry this morning? I just want you to know that I am really sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so angry, and I shouldn't have called you a bad name. You're a very good boy and I am very sorry."
"That's ok, Mommy. That's ok."
"Thank you, Buddy. I am still sorry, though".
"That's ok, Mommy."
They are endlessly patient with me. They humble me with their capacity to overlook my shortcomings and grant me their special kind of grace. They brighten my day. They save me. Over and over again.
Today, I hired a special little assistant for the morning. On our commute into work, our special song came on.
"Mama! It our song!"
"But when I'm feeling down, I only wanna be with you".